I cried a lot this year.
Not many people know - apalagi di social media semua tampak baik-baik saja.
I have an intention to use my social media and website to tell the world that hope and joy is possible in God.
I want the world to know how beautiful life is, because God created us to be happy in the first place.
But it doesn’t mean that I feel happy all the time, or I don’t have my low moments, or I don’t ask why to God. I still a human being (read: rebellious spoiled brat girl when it comes to my relationship with God) with my flaws, weaknesses, sin, and laziness.
I cried when I heard the health situation from my friends, yang Saya berasa helpless dan tidak tahu juga musti gimana.
I cried when one of our brother in community passed away, tanpa disangka-sangka, di usia yang sangat muda, and I know - Saya belum banyak mengenal dia, padahal Kami sudah saling mengenal selama 9 tahun.
I feel down in some moments, merasa ditinggal sendirian, dan tidak berdaya dan tidak berguna, terutama when my depression period kicks in.
But at the end of the day - life is not just a feeling.
It’s a decision how we want to live it.
At the end of the day, I believe if we still live in a timeline, we always have a future.
Tomorrow maybe just another day, but after the life I lived, I agree with what Susan Beth Pfeffer said in Life As We Knew It book:
"We could never truly understand God’s will. We have to trust God, have faith in Him, and follow the rules He gave us without ever understanding Him.”
Looking at 2019 and years and years before
Kita memang tidak bisa mengerti makna dari apa yang terjadi dalam hidup Saya, dalam hidup teman-teman semua. Because we are not God, we never understand God.
Saya belajar:
Setiap peristiwa membawa Kita semua pada sebuah pengertian baru.
Setiap tetesan air mata membersihkan hati Kita.
Setiap kehilangan memberikan makna baru pada apa yang Kita punyai hari ini.
Setiap helaian rambut yang rontok memberikan pembelajaran akan artinya perjuangan.
Setiap sariwan dan tidak bisa makan membawa pengertian untuk memaknai kemampuan Kita selama ini.
So life is not bad after all.
I have my life that I'm living rite now, so I decide to live it to the fullest.
And you my friend, you have yours too - let's make not only the best nine - but the best in everything because 2020 is maybe just another year, but it's another year to fight, to live, and to love.
May the grace of God be with us all.
Happy New Blessed Year of 2020 years kiddos, friends, peeps.
So help us God!
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