One Day After Mother's Day: Did I Missed Motherhood?

Hari Minggu di 2nd week each May selalu dirayakan sebagai Internasional Mother's Day.

Selalu ada rasa yang aneh di hati saya yang tidak dapat dilukiskan setiap banyak orang saling mengucapkan selamat hari ibu. Bahkan kalau mood lagi jelek, saya suka merasa left out di hari itu. Yahhh... twice a year lah, May and 22 December.

Sensi ya? hhhmmm that's I always tell myself: "Jangan baper jadi orang! Baper is overrated! - you should be content with yourselves."

Itu yang selalu ada di kepala saya kalau sedang berpikir how I loose one stage in my life which is motherhood.

Being a mother kan ngga selalu biological; atau

You have a lot of (spiritual) children; atau

Everything happen for a (best) reason, jadi punya waktu untuk pelayanan.

ada saatnya all this justifications kayaknya ngga mempan karena saya merasa banyak kehilangan kesempatan untuk mengalami apa yang seharusnya setiap perempuan alami.

I missed the feeling of rejoice when I know that I'm pregnant.

I missed the challenge to fight with morning sickness.

I missed the sensation of kicking from inside my womb.

I missed the opportunity to fight between life and death when giving birth.

I missed the sweet hearing when your baby call you mama.

Saya kehilangan kesempatan untuk melihat bagaimana perpaduan wajah saya dan suami saya di anak kami.

Saya kehilangan kesempatan menurunkan baju pengantin saya ke anak perempuan saya.

Saya kehilangan kesempatan untuk merasa bangga saat saya menggandeng anak lelaki saya.

Saya kehilangan kesempatan untuk mom and daughter travel seperti yang saya impikan.

I missed my motherhood stage of life.

Hal ini membuat saya yakin, bahwa a calling will give you deep longing that won't ever end. It will keep bugging you till you really live it to the core.
A calling will demand a sacrifice that give you an understanding what it means to love until it hurts.

Saya tidak akan mempunyai anak karena saya telah kehilangan rahim saya.

Tetapi dari waktu ke waktu, terutama di setiap hari ibu - that deep longing still give me a a poke as reminder that I was created to be a woman with the capacity to be fruitful.

The funny thing, when I find the real definition of mother, it never written about that biological children at all.

So I think it's true - sebelum kita sebagai perempuan can be a mother to somebody or something - giving birth to a human or an invention or living a cause - then nurture them 'till you really practice what it's mean to love -

Sebelum semua hal itu kita usahakan dalam hidup, you will feel restless and never feel settle down because God created us women with that big plan to be someone to somebody/something that will be a blessing to this world.

So did I miss motherhood?

Honestly? in terms of nobody say to me happy mother's day in what world understand, yes I felt left out. But this will be a very shallow understanding rite?

But then in general - I know when I live out my calling as woman and learning to share the strength that God has given me to be a blessing to others - I don't miss a thing of being a mother.

I call all singles and all fellow women who don't have biological children yet or can't have biological children - you are not wasted! you are blessed with your womanhood dan apa yang ada hari ini tidak menghilangkan kebenaran bahwa kita diciptakan sebagai perempuan yang diberi kemampuan Allah untuk mampu mengalahkan rasa sakit pada saat melahirkan. That's our given power yang tidak perlu diragukan lagi.

Jadi mari bersama kita melahirkan banyak karya. Fight for the good of others, dan ngga cuma jatuh dalam self pity yang membuat kita makin kehilangan jati diri dan kekuatan kita sebagai perempuan.

For you all mothers who are blessed with your biological children that you can hold in your arms, thank you for your generosity to bear all things and have a decision to love for the rest of your love. Thank you for your openness to life, and thank you for unending decision to step out from your self. We need more mothers like you - happy mother's day to you!

Happy mother's day to my mama and mom yang selalu menjadi bukti hidup dan contoh tentang bagaimana mencintai.

At the end of the day, being a mother is one thing that really intimidate the devil.

Because if we really know and live our calling as a mother of all, and pass on love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control kepada anak-anak atau dalam karya kita.

Satu hari sebuah generasi atau sebuah karya/cause yang meremukkan kepala ular akan muncul dan nama Tuhan akan dimuliakan lebih dan lebih lagi.

Don't give up on love.

Because after all, love always wins.

Happy Mother's Day to all women.

Happy Mother's Day to us all.