A story from 1 year ago - Setelah Saya menjalani operasi angkat rahim.
Enjoying my 8 weeks full rest. Sleep a lot. Rally of “This is Us” TV series. Reflect a lot. Esp on what I had experience this pass 3 months.
Ini sharing iseng karena mulai ngga ada kerjaan cuma tiduran doang. Mudah-mudahan bisa jadi berkat.
I wrote this because many comments about my eyelashes hahaha…(salah fokus nih orang2 hahahha)
When I found out about the tumors in my womb I don’t feel anything. No worry, no fear, Nothing. Maybe because of my medical background, I know that it will be 90% benign.
Tapi konsekwensi dari tumor itu, yaitu harus kehilangan rahim Saya, itu yang membuat Saya bergumul.
So many years I talk about how precious our womb is. Gimana kita punya identitas keperempuanan dan kekuatan salah satunya hadir dalam bentuk rahim kita. And now… I feel like my own womb betrayed me.From all of my organs in my body, why It has to be my womb? Ini yang pertama.
Yang kedua. Maybe it was like the end of hope to the possibility of our biological child. People can questioning God’s goodness to us and make it as a justification how not fair God is. Orang yang sudah pelayanan, tetap tidak diberkati sama Tuhan. So ngapain melayani Tuhan? Or maybe: what sin this couple did so they get this curse? Kalau kemandulan Saya atau peristiwa ini membuat orang mempertanyakan kebaikan Tuhan, it will really break my heart. Saya selalu mau hidup kami berdua jadi berkat, tapi peristiwa ini atau kemandulan Saya bisa menimbulkan pertanyaan dan keraguan akan Tuhan seperti itu? Saya benar-benar merasa ‘bersalah’.
Tapi kemudian dalam perjalanan ini I come to this: I don’t mind with the pain, bleeding, or even if my lab result turns out to be malignant. Kalau itu bisa membuat orang bisa bersyukur dan mewartakan cinta Tuhan. I think I am willing to live it. So my prayer now… minta Tuhan menuntun setiap keputusan yang akan diambil. Sehingga apapun keputusan itu bisa menjadi kesaksian betapa baiknya Tuhan. Saya ngga mau rugi lah – udah sakit tapi ngga bring impact. Rugi 2x kan? If this tumor can inspire young people to change the world in Christ, so be it hehehe…
So waktu mempersiapkan rahim Saya yang akan diangkat, my precious womb yang belum sempat berbuah kehidupan (malah hamil empal gw hahaha) – I want to do it right and with respect.
I want to share the message that yes everything/ many conditions can take away our precious thing but we never lost our identity as a beautiful daughter of God. Yeaaa, I did my eyelashes salah satunya untuk menunjukkan that forever we always beautiful in God’s eyes.
Embrace your womanhood. Celebrate your motherhood. Believe that you are precious. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not woman enough. Choose a courage path to inspire the world (even eyelashes can inspire others rite? ) Then let’s dance when we know we conquered it with God’s hands holding our hands. So wake up Princess and celebrate your womanhood.
Here I am – a week after surgery. All the symptoms because of the tumors gone.
No pelvic pain, no spotting and bleeding, just a sore abdomen muscle post op (which is normal). Some ask me, where there strength came from? I don’t know where the strength came from. What I know, It sure comes from Lord my Creator. Also the love from my (very loving supportive understanding) hubby, my parents and family, my community, and my friends wherever you are.
I just wanna say: THANK YOU. For every text, every call, gives (flower, massive fruits, noodle, coffee, and foods), and esp. every hands that holds my hands to stand up. Looking forward to continue my life with all of you and experience more of God’s works in us.
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